We know that, by the time you can understand this, we will be co-habiting the world with life-like robots and aliens from another world, but, once upon a time there was a thing called the iPad and it was dead good.
You loved them. They may look silly now, but once upon a time, you loved them.
In order to breed narcissism and selfishness into you, we showed you pictures and videos of yourself all the time. Just look at Mummy's background picture. This was you writing your first CV because Daddy wanted you out of the house putting bread on the table as soon as you were able.
You didn't understand this metaphor and, instead, persisted putting real (rather than metaphorical) bread all over the floor.
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