It's been your first world cup and by golly have you taken it badly. As you know, England didn't even make it out of the group stages. We notched up just one point in the three games, losing to Italy and Uruguay before getting a woeful draw against Costa Rica. Nightmare.
Despite your emotional requests, we wouldn't allow you to have a pint of beer. Instead, we gave you some cordial. You insisted on drinking it, 'Like a 64 year old alcoholic man with nothing left to live for.'
You're quite an emotional boy.
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