A note

I wanted to get this out there. Your mummy found a Buzzfeed article entitled, "22 cringeworthy ways to announce your pregnancy." It was beyond cringeworthy. Exactly what it said on the tin.

Our favourite on the list however, your mummy and daddy both agreed is not cringeworthy at all.

In fact, it was the one we perhaps planned on using! Do not mistake that last exclamation mark for flippancy or jokiness. We are serious. Though I'm not sure the person who did it in the first place would share our idea of irony.

Anyway, here it is:

Amazing.

A monster. An absolute monster.

This is the cake that Caz and Grandma made for your birthday. You were bursting with excitement when you saw it. When everyone's back was turned, you grabbed hold of the yellow dinosaur on the right and ate his face off. Then you ate a leaf and chewed on a tree. You playing god, nonchalantly destroying the Jurassic period and all its inhabitants.

My god do you love cake. Sugar. You love sugar.

Looking at animals

Your birthday this year was on a Wednesday. Your mummy doesn't work on a Wednesday so she took you to Twycross Zoo. This is a blog of you looking at animals with your newly two year old eyes.

And one lizard looking back at you.

Dum-dum-duuuummm!

Birthday gifts from next door

You struggled here to understand that the neighbours who dropped your presents over were not in the house. For such a bright boy, you  really are easily stumped at times.

Your birthday party morning (more of it)

On the morning of your birthday party (not your actual birthday), Alex, Charisse and Adelaide came over to see you. They were unable to make it in the afternoon when everyone else came over. You got your first personalised clothing from them! You are now the proud owner of a hoody with your name on the front. You love it. The best part, however, was your book that detailed a baby panda suckling a mouthful of fresh milk from its mother's breast.

Nom, indeed.

Birthday morning (very first thing)

Going into your bedroom in the morning is such a delight. You make a point of being armed with something to say, Sometimes it's simple like, "Need more milk mummy, that's a good idea."

Other times it's something altogether more poetic. Like it was on your birthday (it's very dark at first. Hold your horses):

"Eugh, don't use that picture. Everyone looks terrible."

That's what mummy said when I said that I liked this picture of us all. 

I asked mummy, "Why?"

She responded by saying: "Noah's face is a real mess and my eyes look like they've been burned with chemicals."

This was day 1 of Movember 2014, by the way. Moustaches aren't daddy's facial hair of choice.

Playing with the dolphins

In order to help further develop your imagination, we have been playing a lot of imaginative games.

For example, on one set of your pyjamas, there are lots of monsters eating cars. Tonight before going to bed, we made you one of the monsters and were picking the cars and trucks and buses off your clothes and feeding them to you.

"That one tastes nice," you said.

"Delicious," you said.

Another favourite is playing with the dolphins.

This is what you say as you pass us something you want us to play with:

"Here we go, mummy. Here we go, daddy."

We also play a game at the minute where we say something horrible you like to eat. It started one day about a month ago. I was changing you and you'd done a particularly offensive little bundle in your nappy. As I changed you, you said: "Daddy, you eat the poo!" Then you laughed.

This evolved to us telling you that you eat crocodile's feet and smelly socks. You told us that we eat cats and dogs.

Touche.

Your 2nd birthday (morning)

You are on the brink of understanding what your birthday is but not quite. This made it a nice surprise for you, I think. 

By the end of the day, you really enjoyed seeing another present. Mostly because you enjoyed ripping the paper.

The baby due date

You will be a brother not longer after daddy turns 31.

My birthday is 24th May. The baby's due date is 29th May.

That's the same as JFK.

JFK was assassinated.

He was shot once in the throat, once in the upper back and once in the head.

So.

Lord knows where this guy will be by the time you can read this.

An amazing image.

It has been made public and official: you are going to be an older brother

This is news you have known for three and a half months actually. It still doesn't mean it is something you have come to terms with. You are still in denial.

Whenever we ask you if you are looking forward to having a baby in the house (we did say another baby, but you refused to be referred to as a 'baby') you always answer the same way: "No thank you, Mummy."

You are polite about it.

The scan itself was hilarious. Your mummy was asked nicely by the sonographer to stop laughing, in fact. The reason she was laughing was this: the new baby was bouncing around inside mummy's tummy like QWOP. On the screen, the baby looked like it was bouncing around like a crazy thing.

This is QWOP:

That's what the baby was doing all over the screen.

Here is another picture:

It's not a picture of our baby. Who cares though? They all look the same at this point.

"What a waste of £4" said daddy when he paid for the picture, "Google images is free!"

A lack of blogging. A lack of a public blog.

A number of ferocious mothers got hold of our blog and twisted what we had said in it out of all proportion and perspective, Noah,

These same people spread the word of our blog to their ferocious friends who, too, twisted what we had said until it was unrecognisable.

Then they spread the word of our blog and on and on.

Anyway, because of an increasing amount of views and horrible comments about your mum and I being terrible parents, blah blah blah.

So for now we are no longer public. Which is a shame. This will change though, don't worry.

Some things you are doing right now include:

• Being a right little madam, crying and whining if you don't get your own way. Don't worry, Noah, we make sure you don't get away with being such a petty boy. We know it's a just a phase so we are staying strong and not allowing you to run the home.
• Saying, "That's a good idea, mummy!" No matter what we say. Or you will come up with an idea and proceed to tell us how good an idea it is. Example: "Watch the fireworks daddy? That's a good idea!"
• You have some dolphins that you love playing with in the bath. You also have a dinosaur. You have a lovely little roleplay where the dinosaur scares the bajeezus out of the dolphins. It gets tiresome for your mummy and I to play along, but you never tire of it.
• You are continuing to learn the countries of the world.
• Yesterday morning, you dropped one of your toys and, looking a bit annoyed, you said, "Oh, dammit!" To which we burst out laughing.

You are making us all laugh a lot recently.