Like your biblical counterpart, we believe you to, in fact, be at least 74 years old already. If this sounds equally as unfeasible as biblical Noah almost living to a thousand, I want you to hear my shaky evidence first. Okay. The average obsessive viewer of popular ITV period police show, "Heartbeat," is about 74 years old. You, too, are an obsessive watcher of popular ITV period police show, "Heartbeat," ergo, you are 74 years old.
We don't know why you love the show so much, but every Tuesday and Wednesday morning when we take you over to Dadand's (Grandad's) he puts it on and you both sit and eat marmite on toast and enjoy an episode. You even smile when Nick Berry appears on the screen.
Cartoons you can take or leave, but if you miss an episode of Heartbeat, we don't hear the end of it.
"Did Greengrass get caught poaching game in this week's episode? I missed it!" for example.
Here's Greengrass, in case you've forgotten what he looks like:
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